Faith, Parenting and Aggressive or Abusive Behavior

I'm all for a persons right to choose and practice their faith. I'm all for a persons right to choose the upbringing of their child. But there is a defining line when the waters of both become muddied and converge with aggressive or abusive behavior in the name of either. What's worse is when these abusive and ironically, self proclaimed Christian persons not only treat their own poorly, but are so out of control that they'll do it in front of other people and/or to other peoples children, without hesitation or expressions of  regret.

Abuse is largely learned behavior but it can also be unlearned. It wreaks havoc on it's victims and their relationships making them feel sad, hurt, lonely, angry, embarrassed, misguided, mistreated and hungry for kindness, trust and love. It's ugly no matter what the circumstance is but it's especially sickening when it's victims are children or developing young adults who want nothing more than to be loved, honored, respected, trusted and protected by the grown ups in their lives.
Some signals or signs of aggressive behavior and/or abuse ...

• When a person snares at and towers over another person, gritting their teeth and scrunching their face in anger and ugliness, bullying persons into doing or saying whatever it is that the abuser is intent on.
• When a person intentionally humiliates another in front of others ... especially a young person in front if their peers.
• Trust is withheld or nonexistent.
• The aggressive person is grossly misguided in his/her own perception of authority and/or adulthood/parenthood.
• When a person is prevented from speaking and/or being heard.
• When someone raises a fist to, punches or pushes another.
• When all the above escalates into dangerous behavior like grabbing someone by the throat, saying hurtful or threatening things like "you want me to really hurt you?" ... or worse, leaving marks.
• When aggressive persons justify their own behavior by repeatedly blaming their victims, telling them it's their fault and/or that their actions provoked the abusers aggression.

There are options for both the victims and concerned family and friends ...

1. Be a support person to the victim by showing love and compassion to them and their situation and make them aware that they themselves have choices.
2. Make sure that they understand that it's NEVER their fault that they are being mistreated and abused. Abusers are the one's out of control and usually tell their victims that they did or said something to provoke their anger and actions. Unfortunately, when heard enough times, a victim may also begin to beleive the lies.
3. Don't be afraid to communicate with others in the victim's circle. Forming a network of awareness is like creating an additional safety net . 
4. Make sure that they know that you and/or others are available to them 24-7, that there are safe houses and options, as well as the right to seek help on their own from clergy, teachers, guidance counselors, community or municipal resources.
5. Child Protection Services, although in many states is as broken the families it's intended to serve and protect, is still worth seeking assistance when deemed necessary.

There are numerous parenting resources available via support groups, parenting groups, online resources and books. Unfortunately, aggressive or abusive personalities won't often recognise or admit that they could benefit from such resources and respond with, "Don't tell me how to raise my kids!" . Nonetheless, here are some of those resources ...

1. Children Learn What They Live - Parenting to Inspire Values by Dorothy Law Nolte
2. 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting - Nurturing Your Child's Sole by Mimi Doe
3. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy by Naomi Aldort
4. Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus, Children are from Heaven - Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident and Compassionate Children by John Gray
5. Family Man by Calvin Trillin
6. Giving the Love that Heals - A Guide for Parents by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt
7. Surrendering to Motherhood - Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul by Iris Krasnow 
8. A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolescence by Patricia Hersch
9. Codes of Love - How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life by Mark Bryan
10. The Dance of Anger - A Woman's guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Goldhor Lerner
11. Before Woman had Wings (fiction) by Connie May Fowler
12. Online Parent Class - For personal growth or court appointed fulfillment: http://www.onlineparentclass.com/About-Online-Parent-Class.aspx